if this is the case, and the other party does not wish to end the relationship, you should get counselling to discuss 1) how you ended up here 2) who pushed who, with what, that such an abrupt motion had to take place 3) why did the engagement had to be blown up, why could it not be slowly dissolved (eg, in case of breaking it before a wedding)?
You can learn to do this by catching yourself whenever you are playing into the “shoulda, woulda, coulda’s of your relationship. ” Tell yourself to stop and repeat an affirmation like “That marriage was not meant for me. There’s something better on the horizon. ”
You might visit a spa for a massage, go to a yoga class, or read a good book to do something special for yourself.
Try joining a workout class at your gym, learning to play a musical instrument, or exercising your creativity by painting and decorating your home. Try coloring apps or use colored pencils to ease some of your tension and hurt.
As time passes, you may even journal about your experience so that you can reflect on your strength one week, two weeks, and even months afterwards.
Spend some time getting reacquainted with your identity as a single person and with your dreams for the future. Start back dating when you have mostly healed from your failed relationship and are able to approach a new relationship without any old baggage. Many would-be brides and grooms find that a broken engagement helps them clarify what they really want so they can have more successful relationships in the future.
Don’t hesitate to let people know when you need to talk or just hang out so you’re not alone. If you want to talk about the relationship, consider asking your closest confidants their impressions of your ex-fiance.
If so, browse different wedding-related blogs and forums to communicate with others who have walked in your shoes. [8] X Research source Look up blogs and forums on TheKnot. com, Brides. com and check out the blog A Practical Wedding for support and advice. [9] X Research source
Ask your family doctor for suggestions of counselors in your area or check the local listings on PsychologyToday. com.
Regardless, the burden for cancelling everything and retrieving deposits (if possible) should be shared by the would-be bride and groom.
One exception to this rule involves rings of extraordinary value or family heirlooms. In such cases, the ring should be returned to the family it belongs to. [12] X Research source
If you can’t stop yourself from keeping tabs on your ex’s social media profiles, delete or unfriend them. Similarly, if you worry you might send a ranting email, delete their email address and add their number to your phone’s block list. Note that the fact that you two have not worked out for some reason should not affect your opinion of their personality in the sense that you were with them for a reason, and that reason was that you considered them worthy of your attention. Starting to talk bad about them now would only evaluate yourself as well for you were the one with them until now. This is not to say that you cannot be angry - especially with sudden breakups like one before an engagement - is usually unexpected, and shocking. It is OK to be taken aback or feel hurt, or angry over the events, but a way of getting over these is to understand why it happened. Before you cut contact for a while (to calm down, get unattached, etc), try and communicate to understand both your choices, or at least make it apparent that later this would be needed (the other party may be ashamed to discuss, etc, at this point in time, they might need time too, but may be willing to do it at a later point). Should the other party not be a partner in discussing the reasons that lead to the engagement be broken up, you probably should seek counselling - talk it through with them, if not the other affected party.
If the failed engagement also brings the end of the relationship (NOT necessarily!), then cutting the entire thing out of your life would be cutting a part of yourself out - rather, put it away so that it is out of sight, out of mind. You can take the fondest memories out when they no longer hurt & remember what good you had, after all, that is why you were together. In addition, go through your home and gather any reminders of your ex and your relationship. Return items belonging to your ex and box up everything else to be stored for a later date, donated or trashed. If you are still too emotional, see if friends and family can help you with this step.
