If you want to stay at home and cry in your bed, do so. One way to accept your emotions is to tell yourself, “It is okay for me to feel bad right now. I’m going through a difficult time. " Getting in touch with your emotions and tolerating distress is about accepting the emotion without judging it or necessarily trying to change it. Sit with the emotion and observe how it feels. What do you feel in your body? This information can indicate how you are feeling and help you process your feelings in a healthy way.
Ask a friend to come over and support you during this time. You could stay in your pajamas and watch a movie. Use this time to connect with your friend and discuss your feelings regarding the breakup. Go out for coffee or bite to eat with a family member.
Write down your thoughts and feelings about the breakup on a Word document or journal. Avoid status updates, blogs, or other online posts because these can leave you feeling exposed. You could write a letter to your ex that you never send. Tell him how you feel. Let your anger out. You don’t have to worry about his reaction if you don’t send the letter.
Instead of blaming yourself or thinking negatively, forgive yourself for any mistakes or transgressions[5] X Research source First analyze what you think you might have done wrong. You could write these down if you wish. Then, go through each item and say or think to yourself, “This was a mistake and I forgive myself for it. I did not want it to turn out this way and I know what I did was wrong. I will work toward not continuing to make this mistake in the future. "
Avoid re-playing the situation in your mind over and over again, and thinking about what you could have done to fix the situation. If you find yourself doing this, distract yourself with an activity or think about something else. You can also remind yourself that you may not have been able to do anything, and you could not have predicted the outcome. Avoid social media such as Facebook. [8] X Research source It can be difficult to avoid cyber-stalking your ex and will social media will not serve as a useful distraction if it constantly reminds you of your ended relationship. One study showed that people who looked at their exes on Facebook had higher distress and longer for their ex-partner. [9] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Be busy and pack your social calendar full with activities and events. Try new things and rekindle old friendships.
Some people can get a sense of freedom after a relationship ends, use this feeling to your advantage and explore new activities. [12] X Research source Explore activities that you previously liked but were too busy to engage in. Get a new haircut or style.
For example perhaps the breakup helped you focus more on school, work, or other obligations. Some people feel that breakups allow them to have more freedom. You may also have personal positive outcomes from the breakup such as more confidence, self-reliance, and self-acceptance. In addition to environmental and personal outcomes, you might also have gained more communication skills throughout the relationship and learned valuable relationship skills (i. e. learning to admit when you’re wrong).
For example, individuals may be more likely to breakup if they are unsatisfied or not respected. Attempt to identify things that you could have done better, but don’t beat yourself up. [14] X Research source View the relationship as a growing opportunity that will help you navigate future relationships. Try to reflect (think logically) instead of ruminate (getting caught up in negative thinking). [15] X Research source
For now, it can be helpful to remove him from your Facebook friend list, delete his number from your phone, and avoid hanging out with him. If your ex wants to stay friends, let him know that you’re going to need time and that you’ll contact him when you’re ready.
For example, if he left a toothbrush at your place, throw it out. Seeing it every morning could trigger negative feelings for you and color your day. If there is something that shouldn’t be thrown away or given to charity, give it to a mutual friend to give back. Delete or toss away the photos if you wish. If you want, you can save the photos of yourself using Photoshop or some other editing program to carve out your image without your partner. [19] X Research source Delete your ex’s number from your phone. If you need his number, delete every message or voicemail from him––a clean slate!
If it is too painful to address your ex at this point, try to exit the situation so that you can avoid talking to him. Setting boundaries is an important component of the healing process. If you don’t want to talk to him, you don’t have to. If you do decide to speak to him, acknowledge him politely and smile. Be respectful. Aggressive speech such as saying, “I hate you!” or behaviors, such as throwing objects at your ex, do not solve problems.
Forgive your ex for his mistakes. Harboring resentment only makes you feel worse and stunts the healing process. You don’t have to tell him face-to-face or even on the phone, you can forgive him in your heart and this is just as effective. Avoid ruminating over the happy times. This can lead to longing and prolong your grief process.
