Try to take ownership of the ways in which you might have contributed to the end of the relationship. Take a closer look at what happened and, if needed, work on it by yourself or with a friend.
There may be a time when you and your former partner can be friends, but that time is definitely not now. [2] X Research source Absolutely under no circumstances visit their Facebook page. Unfriend them and stay away. [3] X Research source Also stay away from his or her close friends. It may be difficult if you have mutual friends, but for the time being, stick close to your own friends. You’ll avoid getting pulled back into any drama and hearing about what your ex is up to.
You can’t move on if you’re still clinging to remnants of the relationship, and you definitely won’t move on if you still attach sentiment to them.
You may be able to begin going back to them eventually, but for now, stay away. It sounds harsh, but removing all associations is usually the fastest way to recover.
Don’t try to hide from the feelings. Instead, allow yourself to feel them fully; so if you need to wallow, then wallow. Accept your feelings so that then you can begin to move on.
Use what you’ve learned from the mistakes each of you made to begin building strategies to avoid similar missteps in the future.
Beating yourself up or becoming self-destructive will make the situation infinitely worse and make the process of moving on much longer and harder. [5] X Research source Let your friends and family be your resource–talk to them and let them be there for you. Going running, hitting the gym (hello, punching bag!), taking a hike, joining a yoga class. . . all excellent options. Write–but don’t send–an angry letter. Let all your ugliest feelings out and let yourself have some catharsis. But do not send the letter. It will make your situation worse rather than better and stop you from moving on.
The more you can take inspiration from people who have stumbled and caught themselves, the easier it will be to envision yourself doing the same.
Avoid bringing up or grumbling about your ex with a date–don’t let the old relationship taint your new ones.
Rather than assume they must just hate you, allow for the possibility that you’re projecting feelings that may not be there. [7] X Research source Understand that they’re just as human as you are. Everyone has struggles in their lives that contribute to how they act–it’s entirely possible your enemy is antagonistic because of difficulties they’re struggling with. Learn from the quote often attributed to Abraham Lincoln: “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better. ”[8] X Research source
If it’s a kind of behavior you’re comfortable emulating, try picking up tips from your observations to see if you can rejigger the tenor of you and your enemy’s relationship. [9] X Research source
Knowing what’s driving their behavior can help you get out in front of their negative behavior and possibly blunt the effect their actions have on you.
If it’s an issue of a small habit or behavior you have that irritates them, you can consider not doing those things around them or sitting down with them to explain your behavior and help them accept it. If it’s a more serious issue or you simply can’t figure out what their problem is, confront them about it. Nothing shuts down misconceptions or bad feelings like addressing them head-on. Apologize if it’s warranted. If you did something either knowingly or unknowingly to upset them, apologize sincerely (and don’t do it again) so you can both move on. Talk to the person calmly and coolly. Don’t accuse or antagonize, just have an honest conversation.
In these situations, your enemy is simply looking for a reaction, and when they get one it will only encourage them to continue the behavior. If you want it to stop, start by ignoring them and their comments. [10] X Research source Don’t listen to or spread rumors; it only perpetuates the problem. The more emotionally engaged you become, the more power you’re giving to your enemy. Avoid them. Limit your contact with them as much as possible. Sometimes distance is enough to diffuse the situation. [11] X Research source
When you’re tempted to say something negative about your enemy, turn that energy around and instead say something nice to another person. Spreading positivity rather than negativity will give you the advantage over your enemy.
As soon as they know they’re getting to you, they’re going to keep digging in deeper. If you must react to the bully at all, do so calmly and coolly. Being the calm one not only makes the bully look immature, it shifts the power dynamic to make you the powerful one–a state of affairs that bullies hate. [13] X Research source
The longer a bad situation goes unchecked, the more negatively it will impact you and the more powerful and entitled the bully will feel. [14] X Research source
Don’t ever allow the bully to convince you that you brought this on yourself. They alone are responsible for their own behavioral choices.
Many bullies are victims of violence themselves and are acting out. Knowing this can help you have some compassion as well as help you better understand the true power dynamic between the two of you. [15] X Research source .
Having allies will also help you feel confident and supported, two characteristics that bullies find very defeating.
Having specific times, places, and descriptions of your encounters with this person will make it very difficult for them to deny the truth of what you’re saying or to try to shift the blame onto you.
Not having opportunities to bully or otherwise manipulate you will leave a bully bored and they’ll begin searching for a more gratifying target.
If you’ve been keeping a record of the events–which is recommended–show the other person your records, describe the bully’s behavior to them, and explain how that behavior impacts you. [17] X Research source
If the bullying is a significant source of stress, consider talking with a therapist to help you manage the situation. [18] X Research source .
