Try something like this to let him down gently while showing that you’re a friend: “Freddy, I’m flattered, really, but you know I’m not into you like that. You might have better luck trying that line on the hottie across the room, though. ” Don’t be worried about making him disappointed or jealous; if you’re really going to establish a platonic friendship, he’ll have no problems with this. But if you sense any kind of tension, your friendship might not be as balanced as you think.
Bring up your significant other when you’re texting back and forth about shared interests: “You love the Cubs too? My boyfriend Shane got us tickets to a game next month!” If you’re not looking to date anyone, try placing blame on a third party to warn your guy friend not to push the subject: “Ugh, my mom won’t stop bugging me about getting a boyfriend. How many times do I have to tell her that I’m not interested in dating anyone right now?!” Alternatively, be more direct about how satisfied you are with your single life: “It’s so great to feel like I have everything I need for once. I’m really excited about my new job, I’ve never been in better shape, I have amazing friends like you. I used to be so stressed about dating but I’m happy to say it’s really not a priority right now. ”
While it’s helpful to bring this up early on in your friendship, be sure to reiterate it when you’re bringing up the topic of hanging out. Try using this approach to explain why you want to hang out: “Man, you’re like the brother I never had. But I can’t believe we haven’t seen each other since college started. Let’s do a ‘family reunion’ soon!” Compare your great friendship with the worst-case scenario: “I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve tried to be friends with but they’ve been all weird about it. I’m lucky to have such a good friend like you. ”
Try rooting your request in the fact that you already get along well: “I’m so glad we became friends otherwise this class would be unbearable! I know our schedules won’t line up after exam week, but I was wondering if you’d want to catch up sometime next term?” When you’re the person introducing the topic, you can direct it safely into friend territory. If you don’t give off any signs of awkwardness, he shouldn’t have any reason to feel uncomfortable about the idea of getting together either. [6] X Research source But if you’re timid about it, both of you will sense that there’s something wrong with the whole idea.
If your guy friend happened to invite you out via text, and you can’t tell if he wants a date or not, reply with something like this: “Yeah, rock climbing sounds great! Just to be clear, I’m not looking to date but I like hanging out with new friends. ”[8] X Research source If his reply shows that he totally agrees with the just-friends thing, or even that he’s relieved that you’ve gotten that awkward topic out of the way, you’re in the clear.
He’ll probably be more comfortable if there are other guys in the group and you’ll both appreciate it if you’re not stuck with only romantic couples. If you’re texting, specify in your initial message that the group you’re going with is “a group of friends. ” Ask “Want to join us?” instead of “Want to join me?” so he gets the idea.
This works great if you’d like him to tag along on a group outing, but you can also try asking for something you’d otherwise be doing alone.
Try an outdoorsy adventure or tour a historic site if you’re both history buffs. If you want to meet up for drinks or a bite to eat, pick a low-key dive bar or a casual sports bar with an upbeat energy.
By working out an agreement ahead of time, you won’t encounter any is-it-a-date awkwardness when it’s time to pay. Don’t expect him to pick up the tab. Even if he wants to be a gentleman and pay for you, politely decline the offer. Similarly, don’t expect him to go out of his way to give you a ride to your meetup spot. If carpooling makes the most sense, go for it. Otherwise, be prepared to get there and get home by yourself. Feel free to shoot over a simple text confirming the plan: “So I’ll meet you there at 7, and we can split it halfway, right?”
If his jokes aren’t funny, don’t giggle as if you have a crush! Instead, roll your eyes and tell him his jokes are pretty lame so he knows he’s not wooing you. Even if you regularly shower your gal pals with compliments, a guy might get confused into thinking you like him as more than a friend if you’re constantly boosting his ego and making him feel great. [14] X Research source For instance, “We should hang out sometime” sounds a lot more platonic than “I’d love to take you out for drinks so we can get to know each other better. "
A goodbye hug should be fine but keep it quick. [15] X Research source Similarly, avoid lingering around chatting before you head home. Being clingy and cuddly could suggest a romantic attraction. You’re friends, after all, so you’ll probably hang out again soon; you don’t need to reassure each other that you like spending time together.
If you’re left thinking about him all the time or you feel the need to spend tons of time together – more time and thought than your other friends get – things might not be strictly platonic.
If things start to get intense, try something like this: “Mike, I know this might sound weird but I’m starting to sense some chemistry and I think it would be good to take a few steps back. I’m in a funky place right now and I just don’t want to mess up our friendship. Is that okay?” Studies have shown that guys are more likely to be attracted to their female friends than girls are to their guy friends. [18] X Research source So if you’re his female friend, pay attention if he starts to signal romantic interest for you.
