Sit down with paper and a pen and try to list whatever reasons come to mind. After you make a tentative list, you can spend a few days observing yourself and your peers at work to see if your reasons are accurate.
If you’re thinking you don’t belong, you’re awkward, or people won’t like you, reframe your self-talk. Create a list of positive, realistic statements about your workplace connections, such as “I have much to offer as a friend” or “I enjoy the culture of my workplace, so I am certain to find people with common interests. ”
If this describes your circumstances, you have two options: you can stay the way you are and remain excluded or reflect on their feedback and find ways to improve. It’s up to you, just know that if you choose to stay the same, you could be hurting your reputation and growth within your career. [4] X Research source
If you are struggling with self-esteem issues or social anxiety, you should see a mental health expert. [5] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source If you are dissatisfied with your choice of work or feel like your workplace does not align with your values, it may help to see a career counselor. [6] X Research source Look into leadership or self-help workshops to get help with specific areas of personal development. One good option for leadership and self-improvement training is called Landmark Education. [7] X Research source
Increase your chances of conversing by hanging out with your co-workers more. If they eat in the break room, don’t take your lunch at your desk or work-station. Join them. Then, listen to their discussion and participate when you have something of value to add. For example, your co-workers are discussing vacation plans and one of them mentions a trip to a specific location. If you have an interest in that place, you might say, “That sounds so exciting! What sorts of excursions are you planning during your visit?”
When you’re worried about how you’re coming off to others, you might over-analyze and end up ruining a perfectly decent interaction. Take a break from focusing on yourself and devote your attention to the other speaker. [8] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Make sure to ask open-ended questions to keep the other person talking. These are questions that invite elaboration and that don’t have a simple yes or no answer. Be willing to share about yourself as well to keep the conversation going and to form a genuine connection.
When you catch them discussing plans, ask if you can tag along. Or, if someone directly invites you, try to say “yes” unless you absolutely cannot go. Practicing saying yes to invites can improve your work life and your personal life. Accept a set amount of invitations per week and invite people to do things as well.
Say something like, “Hey, Carla, I enjoyed our talk earlier. It’s refreshing to talk to another newbie mom. Would you like to get coffee together one morning before work?”
You might say, “I get the sense that I am the odd one out at work. They never include me. And they stop talking whenever I come around. What should I do?” Even if you don’t take your friend’s advice, it can help to have some unbiased support.
For example, you might aim to get so many reports done by 5pm each day. Or, you might develop a track to move towards a promotion or transfer to a new company. [11] X Research source Try to focus on what you can control and avoid trying to control things that are outside of your control.
The culture of your workplace is just as important to your satisfaction as the actual position and salary. It may be time to quit. Re-examine why you got onto this career path or took this job. [13] X Research source
