Instead, take a silent treatment as a green light to collect yourself. Don’t show any anger. Don’t passive-aggressively force the person to talk to you. Don’t provoke an argument. Just give them and yourself some space until things simmer down. When you are around the person, strive to appear relaxed and positive. Don’t let on that the person’s behavior is negatively affecting you, even if it is. [2] X Expert Source Evan Parks, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 26 October 2021.
Saying, “We’re both emotional right now and need some time to think. How about we give it a few hours and come back around 3pm to finish this discussion. ” You might also say, “I see you’re not talking to me. You’re probably trying to tell me something from this, but I’m not going to guess what it is. If you’d like to talk to me about why you’re choosing to express yourself this way, I’d love to set up a time. I look forward to hearing what’s going on. “[5] X Expert Source Evan Parks, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 26 October 2021. Doing this stops the silent treatment from having any impact because the silence is agreed upon. Then, once both of you have gained some objectivity, try to resolve the misunderstanding.
Review the exchange that preceded the silent treatment and consider what the other person said. What did you say back? If you place yourself in their shoes, how would you feel?[7] X Research source For instance, consider that you were pressuring your mother about letting you go to a party, so she started ignoring you. Thinking about it from her point-of-view helps you to realize that it’s frustrating to be pressured and you would be annoyed as well. If you still feel bothered by the person’s silence, try talking with a trusted friend or relative to get an outside perspective on the situation. Be sure to pick someone who will be honest and gracious with you.
”I” statements are a practical way to share your thoughts and feelings without blaming the other person. You might say, “When I’m ignored, I feel small and powerless. I would like it if we could be more active in sharing our feelings and not withdraw from each other. Next time, can you ask for some space rather than just ignoring me?” As you talk with the person, make sure that you lead by example and respond with kindness, humility, respect, and self-control. Avoid accusing the person of things or assuming what their intentions might be.
As you reflect on your interactions with the person, try to find common patterns in your own behavior. [8] X Research source For instance, your boyfriend was talking and you interrupted him because you assumed you knew what he was about to say. The silent treatment ensued shortly afterward. Your tendency to “predict” his thoughts could be causing frustration that prompts him to pull away. You can minimize your part in causing the silent treatment in this scenario by practicing active listening. [9] X Research source Don’t cut in on your partner when they are talking. Give them time to fully express their message before you respond.
Try some relaxation techniques such as guided imagery, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or gentle stretching to reduce anger and promote calm. [10] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source If you need time to cool down, try taking a one hour break or even agree to table the conversation until the following day. Just don’t put it off for too long.
Set boundaries by first thinking about how you want to be treated in your relationships, and what you will and will not accept from those around you. Once you have established these limits, share these expectations with your loved ones. Keep in mind that if you have been abused in the past, then you might feel confused about how you ought to be treated in relationships. Try talking your situation over with a trusted friend first. For instance, you might say, “I care about you and enjoy spending time with you. But, when you suddenly stop talking to me, it makes me feel confused and helpless. If you continue to do this, I will have to get some distance from you to protect my own emotional health and well-being. ”
Get some exercise. Call a trusted friend. Visit a local park or museum. Light a candle and take a bubble bath. These are all excellent ideas to perform self-care to boost your mental health during the silent treatment.
If you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you didn’t do or begging your partner to communicate with you, they could be using your response to gain the upper hand in the relationship. It can be emotionally draining and confusing to be in a relationship with a narcissist. However, there are some strategies you can implement to improve your interactions with this person. [13] X Research source Individual therapy may also help you learn how to cope with their behavior.
For example, therapy might teach you to find healthier ways to express your demands like using “I” statements, sandwiching criticism, or requesting specific time to discuss grievances. On the other hand, it can teach your loved one how to be more verbal about their thoughts and feelings and learning how to manage frustrating in better ways than stonewalling.
Reach out to friends and loved ones who support you and value who you are as a person. Simply say, “My relationship has been sort of rocky. I could use some time with a friend. Want to hang out this weekend?” Another option is to participate in a support group for those who have encountered narcissistic abuse. You can ask your therapist for a recommendation or search for support groups online.
You might say to your loved one “I can no longer be in this relationship because it makes me feel controlled and powerless. I have tried to work with you on this issue, but you refuse. I need to do what’s best for me. " Practice what you will say with a friend or therapist. Doing this can help you feel more confident breaking up with an emotional abuser.
